For the past few weeks I've been pondering on the issue of love. How do I know? I just do. There is a constant voice saying "I love you" almost every time I look at him. I can't stop the feeling, it's constant, everlasting.
So what do I do about it? That was a little harder to answer. I pondered and prayed but had no clue. I felt I should speak with a person of authority. Nope. A good conversation, but no answer was awaiting me. I moved on to preparing my lesson for last Sunday called "God Is Love." I prepared it about a week in advance and felt something was missing because it only talked about family and perfect parents. In my own life, I know this "perfect family" situation isn't always the case for everyone. I know they always say "well, just apply it to your future family!" Yeah well try to have a crappy one and try it yourself. It's not as easy as you may think. I mainly was bothered by this because I knew I couldn't get through to all of my peers with that, so I thought I might change it a bit.
I talked to a friend and got the idea to use the other kind of love to explain the issue. I looked up many articles on lds.org and I was fulfilled! The funny thing is, I didn't use that at all in my lesson, but it did change it somehow, I could feel it as I was teaching. But anyway, the point of this post was to share what I learned. I felt that since I was so frustrated by the topic and needed this, maybe everyone else could benefit! So, here are my favorite parts of the talks I read and felt better from:
President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) taught: “ ‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”
"Many of us have the mote and beam problem (see Matt. 7:3–5)—that is, we can easily see the faults of others, but not our own. So before we start holding others up to scrutiny to see if they are worthy of us, maybe we ought to work first on becoming a “right person” for someone else. Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles offered this counsel: “If the choice is between reforming other Church members [including fiancés, spouses, and children] or ourselves, is there really any question about where we should begin? The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others—not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings.” Therefore, when we focus on finding the right person, we should also focus on becoming the right person for someone else. The strengths we bring to a marriage will undoubtedly contribute to the success of the marriage."
Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–1985) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “The right person is someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist.” But he went on to add, “It is the person who is living so that he or she can go to the temple of God and make the covenants that we there make.”
“Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.”
Elder Scott suggested several attributes of a potential spouse that will contribute to happiness in marriage: “a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home.”
"...a righteous self-respect...might be defined as ‘belief in one’s own worth, worth to God, and worth to man."
Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915–94) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “If we would know true love and understanding one for another, we must realize that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally.”
President McKay also said: “In our early youth, our environment is largely determined for us, but … in courtship and marriage we can modify, aye, can control to a very great extent, our environment. Morally speaking, we can carve the very atmosphere in which we live.”
"...the Book of Mormon teaches us that we can overcome these negative effects by having faith in the Lord, allowing ourselves to be taught by inspired leaders, learning the lessons of the scriptures, suffering in patience the afflictions that parents may have brought upon us, and repenting of any of the unrighteous habits and behaviors we may have picked up (see Mosiah 1:5; Alma 9:16–17; Alma 17:9, 15; Alma 25:6; Hel. 15:7)."
President Hinckley offered this counsel about timing: “I hope you will not put off marriage too long. I do not speak so much to the young women as to the young men whose prerogative and responsibility it is to take the lead in this matter. Don’t go on endlessly in a frivolous dating game. Look for a choice companion, one you can love, honor, and respect, and make a decision.”
Here's a story I liked: “There are two things in my life that I’ve always felt would be important: a career and marriage. Yet at the time I didn’t feel like I was getting a response. I prayed, ‘Heavenly Father, this is so important, I need to know whether or not it’s right.’ Then toward the end of our courtship, I went to the temple. I was so frustrated because I wasn’t getting an answer either way. After praying and waiting for an answer, I got more frustrated and gave up. That was when an impression came to me: ‘You already know the answer.’ Then I realized that God had answered my prayers. The decision to marry Becky always made sense and felt right. I can see now that God had been telling me in my heart and in my mind that it was a good decision. And later, at the time of the ceremony, I had another confirmation that what I was doing was right.”
"Best friends who marry are likely to find joy and fulfillment together through all seasons of life. From the time of their courtships, such couples have learned how to give constant, conscious nourishment to their relationships."
Elder Scott’s counsel to recognize potential for growth: “I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife.”
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