*Sigh*

Those of you who know me well know I hate to be unsure. I don't like dealing with the stress of not knowing what to do or feel about things. I constantly worry about whether I do things right.

Well, I'm in a complicated situation where I don't really know what to do with myself. I think I'm ok but then I second guess myself when something arises. I hate having to base my emotions on someone else. It's like that point where you should give more, but you can't because you're afraid of what will happen. If I give too much I could look like a fool. On the other hand, if I give too little I might lose it all. I hate hate hate this point!

Am I just too demanding? I just like to be around certain people, so I let them know. I don't mind if someone says they can't come to see me. I really don't. The only reason I invite anyone over is because I want them to know that they are welcome at any time. I want them to feel comfortable. Sometimes I think this invitation gets misunderstood and people assume I will be mad or upset if they don't come right that instant. I admit I am disappointed when someone says they can't come over when I invite them, but everyone gets a little down from that. I move on and figure out something else to do...I don't base my life upon whether someone can come entertain me. I hope everyone knows that.

So the next time I invite or ask you to do something or just to come over, I am not forcing you. I will not be mad at you if you refuse. I will only be sad for two seconds until I figure out something else to do. Please don't assume I would base any judgment on that. I love my friends dearly and the only thing I will admit guilt to is wanting to see them all the time. Isn't that natural?