"You're not normal..."

I was having such a wonderful day today. Last night Rusty was so nice and talked to me even though he was probably terrified that he would have to hurt me. I just have to say, that meant a lot to me. Especially since I was able to feel completely fine about everything! I am still not sure if I really want to deal with liking anyone at this point, but I do feel great. So yay! I was even asked to dinner today...it's funny how you tend to go on thousands of dates when you're not even sure if you want to...oh well, it was fun and unexpected...so that made it cool.

Anyway, on to the scary part. I was sitting at my computer minding my own business when I got a call from the Neurologist office confirming my appointment for tomorrow. I had just finished talking to my Dad about paying over 400 dollars in medical bills and I was quite discouraged. I decided that since I felt fine I just wouldn't have the appointment tomorrow. Another 65 dollars for that was just not in my price range. The lady said that was fine and canceled my appointment. So that's it right?

Wrong. So wrong.

The Neurologist called me later. I could tell she sounded a little concerned. She said she noticed the receptionist had put down that I had canceled the appointment tomorrow and wondered if this was true. I explained to her my situation with money and that even my dad can't help me with all these costs since he has been out of work. She said she understood my situation, but unfortunately she felt she needed to call so she could tell me that neither of my tests came back normal.

I had to sit in shock for a second in response to that statement. How can anyone ever be prepared for someone to say that? Honestly, I never thought I would ever have to deal with a doctor telling me something like that. She told me that both tests showed things that I shouldn't ignore. Based on my current situation, I could...could...ignore the EEG one. It had spikes on the results...but not sharp spikes...so unless another episode happens, maybe it'll be ok...maybe. As for the Heart Monitor, that was another story. She had talked to the Cardiologist who reviewed my results. During the day that I had my monitor on, I wrote down two times when I got dizzy for no reason (they said to write it on a paper they provided so they could pinpoint things). When the Cardiologist looked at those specific times, it was apparent that something was wrong. A normal quick heart rate of someone is usually around 100 BPM. At those times, my heart was beating at 165 BPM. They don't know why this is happening because I was actually not doing anything at the time. Even when exercising, it is apparently hard to get to that rate.

The conclusion my doctor came to was that I cannot ignore the heart problem. I simply cannot avoid seeing a cardiologist. She told me they would call me tomorrow to set up the appointment. I was in complete shock after I got off the phone with her. Now I am just waiting for that call to come tomorrow. Please pray for me. I am scared.