GAAH!

Why am I so hungry?? I'm dying here! I think it's because I started running. I've never wanted breakfast before, and now all of a sudden I am starving in the morning. That's a good thing right? Honestly, if I am going to be exercising, I should probably make sure I eat plenty since I am so small to start with.

I really am starting to wonder what the deal is with my weight though. In the past month, I think I got so stressed, it finally affected my body. I lost 5 pounds in 3 days. That's not too bad for most, but when you're starting at 115, it can worry you. I realized at that point that I needed to fix something in my life. I talked to the Bishop and I got a blessing. Pretty much half of it was about how I need to protect my body and keep it healthy. I know it's very important right now. So I have started eating regularly and I have been running twice a week (soon will be 4 times, you can join if you want!). I weighed myself a couple weeks after I had gotten the blessing feeling good about myself, but I had lost 2 more pounds!! I really don't know what's going on. Unless I'm supposed to weigh this much...I've just always been comfortable at a steady weight...which I'm not holding right now. I think I need to figure out exactly what I am apparently so stressed about and fix it. I'm a little worried that what I have to do might cause trouble or just be scary to do, but if that means I can be healthy again and if that's what Heavenly Father wants me to do, I'll do it without a doubt.

Now that I've put up another sappy post, let's end it with a zing! I thought you would all like to know how McDonald's gets their hamburger:

Always inspect....

I was just eating my cheetos at work because I forgot to get something for breakfast. I wasn't looking at them because I was looking at the computer reading the names of the people I'm calling. I think I ate something that wasn't a cheeto. Either that or it was REALLY burnt. Sick. I need to get this taste out of my mouth! BLEH!

Comics

I decided that for my post today, I would share with you some funny comics I found. They made me happy. You should be happy too.

I thought this one was funny just because we were talking about that program just the other day. Ahhh....good times.

I don't know if you can read that one, but it's really funny. I do that all the time.

Hahahaha....I don't know why this made me laugh so much. I'm probably just immature.

That one is funny just because I've done the mentos and coke thing a lot. It's dear to my heart :)

I really want to try that now...this made me think we should all come up with a ridiculous presentation, walk into a class and try to show it. And we'll constantly say that phrase.

AND NOW MY FAVORITE:

BAHAHAHA!! I love it!

Well, I hope that brightened your day a bit! Have fun and keep laughing!

Yay!

I got the largest paycheck I've ever received today. That was partly because 15 hours was left off of the last one, but I still felt pretty cool. I even got an extra sale I hadn't expected! It was wonderful.
Last week I had I decided that I would try to get my Dad to visit if I got a big paycheck, so I was really excited. I looked up some plane fares and found a really good deal for a round trip from Portland to Salt Lake City. The hotel was a little expensive, but still not too bad. I still had to make sure he could come at that time and we decided that it would be more convenient and about the same price if he drove. Convenient because he would have transportation while here, but I think it's very inconvenient to have to drive 11 hours both ways. We'll see how it pans out!
One thing I ask: Could everyone be super nice to him? I want him to see what the church can really be like and I want him to see why I love it so much. It's changed my life and I want him to understand. I especially want everyone to encourage him to go to church. Thanks!
Ok, I'll stop now because I have to go! I'll write more later!

Eh?

Funny story:

I have found in the last month or so that every time I decide to try to be "interested" in a guy, one of my roommates pounces on the opportunity. It's like the second I mention anything about a guy I think might be cure or nice, they "notice" him and like him all of a sudden.

Let me elaborate.

First Instance: A while ago, I had a little thing for someone. I started talking to him regularly and I made sure I was noticed by him. I was doing really well. I thought I was almost to the point where he would ask me on a date because he would come over and talk to me and we would have really fun conversations. I decided to tell one of my roommates that I thought he was cute. Her reaction: "Yeah, he is! I think I'll ask him on a date!" After her attempt to ask him on a date (he was going out of town), she decides she has a "huge" crush on him and never noticed that I was the one who thought he was cute in the first place and had no idea how much I had invested in him. Meh.

Second Instance: I decided to like another guy that I had always noticed. I tell my roommates my reasoning behind my thoughts of liking. One got furiously mad at me for not noticing that everyone else liked him too, and that one in specific liked him more than the others (one who had been talking about a different guy). I was forced into confusion. They hadn't mentioned it to me, nor had they been talking to him at all. No one had made any move to try anything with the guy, which made me wonder why I "should have" noticed. Apparently I should know that someone likes a guy from their longing looks during Sacrament meeting or something. I'll try to be more observant. Meh again.

Third Instance: I decided that there was a guy in the ward who seemed very nice and I wanted to get to know him. I told my roommates this thought and that I had even asked about him from a close friend. They all agree that he seems nice and they approve. The next Sunday, one goes over and flirts with him. Then on Tuesday they invite him to see a movie with them (without telling me) and one decides she likes him a lot. Now, this one is a little different because I hadn't liked him yet, but it does follow the pattern. I mention, they pounce. Oh how fun.

Fourth Instance: This one is less pouncing...more like...I had no idea and now I feel bad. That kind of thing. I have been noticing a guy for a while in the ward. Obviously after I started dating someone I lost that interest, but now that I should be looking again I remembered him. Especially after we had a great conversation the other day. Since I had now recalled my initial interest, I decided to try again. I mentioned to my roommates (I know, you'd think I would have learned by now) that I like him. I always have fun talking to him and I have no problem being myself. I found out today that one of my roommates has just decided on Sunday that she really likes him. She hadn't seen him for months. There was no indication that she liked him at all. Now, I'm supposed to be the one who backs off? I don't know...

So there we go. It's even funnier when you remember the fact that this has all happened starting at about the middle of January. This drama reminds me of why I hate dating. I am always the bad person who should have known, even though they aren't even trying. My idea of getting a guy's attention actually involves getting the guy's attention. So, maybe the problem is just that I take a different approach. The good news is, one of my roommates is doing well with this approach again and I can figure out who she likes, but the others still baffle me. I don't want anyone to think I am mad about any of this. That's definitely the last thing that this is doing. It's more of an ironic situation that I thought others might get enjoyment out of. My life is a roller-coaster ride of drama! I hope you were entertained =)

*shock*

If you read Becca's post for last night, you will know how I feel now. There are so many things right now, and I don't know how to handle everything at once. My brain just freaked out today I guess. I started crying today the minute I got on the bus to work and I haven't been able to properly get a hold of myself since. I feel bad for even being clocked in at work. I am unable to be productive under these circumstances.

At least I had a wonderful day yesterday. I still had my Sunday high of spirituality, I went to work to remind people of the workshops I scheduled them to, I played Ultimate (the highlight!) and I watched a movie in the theater with my FHE group. Everyting was so fun and I loved every minute of it. I guess today is supposed to even it out.

OH the JOY!

I really want to write about happy things today. I've had too much talk about dating being dumb and the society having problems. Today, I will share with you something I was very happy about. Yesterday was the first time I have received something for Valentine's Day!

Funny story: I was on the phone with my dad explaining to him how I had never gotten flowers. I was just getting off the phone when I heard a knock at the door. I quickly said goodbye when my roommates started yelling my name. I got downstairs to find a plate of banana bread covered with foil with a hand-written poem and a carnation attached. I read the poem, which had a surprisingly interesting rhyme scheme, and I was pleasantly surprised at how cute it was. I looked at the flower and realized I needed to call my dad back to tell him I had almost lied to him. I have finally received a flower on my doorstep. Awwww.

After that, I found out that there was a group going to broom hockey from a nice message that was sent to me on facebook (oh the wonders of that website) and decided to attend. Little did I know that later, while we were there, MA (I use initials instead of full names...hopefully you can figure it out) would smash his face into the ice and cut his forehead open. I hurried along to the first aid with him and two others to make sure he was ok. They cleaned up his face (after we took some fun pictures) and they recommended going to the Emergency Room. We finished up the rest of the hour of broom hockey and headed home. I then decided to keep MA company with one of his roommates to the ER. That was a surprisingly fun experience. C and I joked around a lot while MA was busy with hospital stuff and I got to see some dermabond not work and witness some stitches being put it. Ewwww. After everything was done, we all fell asleep in our various locations in the room until the nurse finally realized she forgot about us. After the one minute of paperwork was done, we went home again.

I got into my apartment to find that something else had been brought to me. This time I had gotten a heart shaped box with chocolates in it and another flower! After not getting anything in the past, this was like a complete overload for me! I could tell from the handwriting that it was a different person than the one who had sent me the gift earlier. Unfortunately both were anonymous. I hadn't realized until yesterday how stressful it could be to get something anonymously! I am the type of person who wants to return favors, but now I can't! I was so sure of who the first person was until the guy I thought had sent it to me told his roommate to not let me think it was him. Obviously it could be him messing with my mind (which is highly probable considering the guy) but now I am second guessing myself. Well, I still think it was him, but I am now confused as to why he would not want me to think it was him. Oh well.

But overall, I had a good day. I thought it would be horrible, but it turned out to be amazing and exciting. I even ended up getting a sale today at work for a website that gets me $25 extra in my next paycheck! Yay!

The conclusion is this: To live a life of endless bliss, just find who you love through true love's kiss.

Such is Life

I woke up this morning looking forward to a new day full of surprises and happy thoughts. After a long night of online conversationing (which was complete insanity I must tell you) I was relatively tired. That does happens when you go to bed around 2am and have to get up at 7:30am. I was prepared for that. I was still happy. The chat was worth the tiredness I have today. I'm pretty sure I kept Gabby up with my laughing.

But anyway, back to the point: Today. I was positive and feeling good about myself. Work has been going well and I should be making a lot of money soon. I am very good at it and I can be successful. After beating the daily record for reschedules, I am pretty satisfied that I can be the best. I thought about how nice it was that I can be so confident. So I got on the bus to get to work only to realize that today is February 14th. As is socially acceptable in my situation, I sighed deeply and felt bad for myself.

This made me wonder: why did I just do that? Why must I feel upset on this day? Well, the simple social answer would be that I am single. Not only that, but I am still getting over being dumped. That puts a damper on things. But why would this particular day make it harder, you ask? Well honestly, there is no good reason why this day, February 14th, should make me feel any better or worse than November 18th or June 3rd would. Unfortunately, I have been raised in a society that tells me to be depressed on this day. So naturally, I followed suit with tradition.

After my deep thoughts on the bus, I finally got to work and signed into my computer. I get a friendly hello on my google chat from a pal that moved away last year. I was happy to hear that I could do him a favor. I gladly accepted the invitation to do service...only to find out that the deed was to order the flowers he needed to get for his girlfriend. As much as I loved doing that for someone else, I found it ironic that I have now ordered flowers for a different girl more than once without ever receiving flowers myself. At least I am an expert of the process now right? Well, this naturally saddened my poor heart according to tradition and I longed for flowers as any girl should.

By no means do I want anyone to think I am bitter, because I am far from that, but I did find it interesting today that I have felt the need to be more upset than normal. Isn't happiness a choice? Shouldn't I be able to choose to be happy today? For some reason it really is harder than most days to do such a simple action. It baffles me how much a society and traditions can affect a person. This makes me upset to know that other people are not coming to this same conclusion that I am and are really letting this get to them. Logically, I should not be more sad today in comparison to other days. Therefore, since I am logical in nature, I am not going to be. I will acknowledge the fact that people with a significant other can have an excuse to dote on each other, but I will not accept the tradition that single people should feel like poo.

I will be hopeful that something very happy could happen today. Either it will be just like any other Thursday, or perhaps it could be even better! Who knows what could happen? Every day is a surprise right? Well, let's just hope I don't become a Saint and get my heart ripped out...

Dating...

I have come to remember how much I HATE dating. Not because of the fun activities and the rush of it all, but I forgot how annoying it is to have to get someone to like you. I forgot that it isn't easy. You have to be your best at all times, always look pretty, always be pleasant. It's quite tiring, I must say! Plus, any person who wants to date at all can't help but want to be the one that is "looked for." You want someone to like you. Preferably, of course, you hope that the person who likes you is the one that you like as well. But it isn't that easy. It only works out like that once...and then "it'll all be worth it." Ok, does anyone else cringe at that whenever someone says it to you? I mean, obviously it's true, and of course it will all be worth it eventually, but when you don't know how long it will be until it is all worth it, that phrase is really annoying.

At the same time, I do like the feeling of excitement when you get to that point where you *kinda* think that *maybe* the other person likes you back and everything is really awkward and funny and both people are flirting incessantly. That's fun...if it ends well. Unfortunately about 90% of my dating experiences in the past were not happy times. It seemed that I would always get the type of guy who would lead a girl on to believe he likes me just so he can completely ignore me one day or just obviously turn me down. I had always been baffled by the way I got treated. I didn't think I did anything wrong. I always reacted according to what they gave me; I just return whatever amount I can sense they are giving. I really am careful about it. Which is why I would constantly get hurt over and over again from these guys who were indecisive about their love life. I remember now how frustrated I would get.

I'm hoping that this time around it won't be like that. Maybe I'll get the type of guys that actually pay attention to their actions. That would be good. One thing I am grateful for the expeience with "Cannon" is that now I know that some guys can actually be aware of what they are doing and how they affect the girl. I really am hopeful for this dating period, but at the same time I am SO worried that it will be the same as before. Any thoughts?

Music and Messages

So far I have heard a lot of music on the phone. A few were those new-fangled phone tones where instead of ringing, it plays a song. Then a coworker called my extention and played a song from his ipod into the receiver. That was weird...but it was a good song. I already wrote down one song and I'm planning on asking that one guy which song that was. Boy I love music.

I have to leave messages for people today. I feel so awkward leaving messages. I keep messing up or saying the same thing over again. Hopefully these people aren't judgmental. Luckily I have the advantage of a nice phone voice though. I've heard that from many people. So maybe they'll be so awed by my voice that they will call back just to hear it again. Yeah. That's what'll happen.

Work

My job is interesting to me. I love it, but I dislike it at the same time.

I love it because I am really good at it. Sometimes they even cheer for me when I get in for the morning. I get pats on the back and congrats all the time from my bosses. It's great. I love it because the people are SO nice. I work with Sarah, which is already a plus, but then the others are really nice too (even though I'm sure they hate me by now...). I love it because I am making a lot of money since I'm good at it.

I dislike it because now I am expected to do amazingly well every day since they know it's possible now. I dislike it because now they're sending me the worst people on the hardest lists and expect the same results. Fortunately I have still been able to do it, but I worry that I will lose the touch someday and then I'll feel bad. I think I worry too much.

So it evens out. And so far even the bad things are kinda good. I've been working on this list this week that has lasted a couple days, and they keep sending me more lists! If they send me one once a day, I won't be done with these names for like 5 years. I'm one person! I got sent a list for Texas today that had 330 names on it! I usually call about 80 people on a good day. And that's when I get message machines for about 2/3 of them. I decided I don't want to do the math right now. I just hope they don't send me another one tomorrow :)

But it's good. I am prospering and I will be able to pay for school! Three cheers for financial security! Woot woot woot!

Wisdom...

I was curious to look at the various things that the soliders in Mulan list as desirable qualities in women. When I looked at the list, I was happy. This is great:

1. Paler than the moon
2. Eyes that shine like stars
3. Marvels at his strength
4. Adores his battle scars
5. It doesn't matter what she wears or looks like as long as she cooks well
6. Thinks he has no faults and is a major find
7. Doesn't have a brain or speak her mind
8. Manly ways thrill her

Yes. That's it ladies. I think we can learn a lot from this.

In conclusion, we can also get a lot of wisdom from these words from the Lion King:
Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba Sithi uhm ingonyama.

Clarification

I'm sad to say I've made a mistake in generalizing. I have assumed the worst in people. The hardest part is, I didn't just do this to a random group of strangers, but I think I may have hurt the people I care about. The last thing I ever want to do is to hurt the feelings of anyone I come in contact with. So I feel that I should write this post for a little clarification to those whom I love.

I am not angry at anyone at all. Rather, I was frustrated with the situation. I may have made it sound like the other way and unfortunately there is plenty of evidence to prove that I did. I want to tell everyone now that it definitely came out wrong, and I am deeply sorry about that.

What I meant in the last post when I said I understood everyone meant just that. I do understand that this is the normal way for things to occur. No one can control the actions of others, and based on past experiences, I know why it happened this way. Now, the other part when I said I would choose differently I was referring to the fact that I commonly choose differently than most. When I later explain how I look at things in a different way, it was the same idea. I cannot help but see things in a completely contrasting perspective than most around me; just the same way that those around me cannot see mine. I would never hold that against anyone, and now that I have had a little time to think about it and have had some insight from others, I just wanted to tell everyone that I am sorry I made it sound that way.

On another note, I want to apologize to Alan for possibly making him vomit. This one could probably win a medal on the sickness level :)